I was recently talking with a friend about self-esteem. I have been asking myself questions such as "What influences the way I feel about myself?" and "What more can I do to feel good about who I am?"
I have made a list of several things that influence or used to influence my self-esteem: my friends and family, my dating life, my talents and abilities, my testimony, my grades, my level of education, my career, my appearance, my feelings of imperfection when I compare myself to others around me.
I feel that my childhood and youth was very two-sided. On one hand, I was extremely successful. I worked hard and did well in school, and I had many talents and abilities and made almost any kind of group that I auditioned for. On the other hand, I still didn't have a very high opinion of myself. I was always on the chubby side (and had some people VERY close to me remind of that fact frequently), had acne, had only a few genuine friends, and hardly dated at all.
Even now, my life is still two-sided. I have found that I constantly play the "I'll be happy when..." or "I'll like myself better when..." game. I'll be happy when I find the right major. I'll like myself better when I go on more dates. I'll like myself better when I get married. I'll be happy when I make more money. I'll be happy when I can QUIT my job. I'll be happy when I have children. I'll be happy when we buy a house. I'll like myself better once I lose more weight and figure out what the heck to do with my hair!
So many things are outside our control. Most things about our appearance cannot change, and I have found that it is not worth deciding how much we will love ourselves based on how we look! It is so ironic that I finally started feeling better about my looks (and, coincidentally, started losing weight) when I stopped being paranoid and thinking about them all the time. I also discovered a couple of years ago that I couldn't base my self-esteem on my career or salary. No matter how hard I worked, there were always people (TONS of people, in fact) making more money than me and receiving more recognition awards than I was. Even though I enjoyed it, I did not find true happiness and feelings of self-worth from my job. I have also found that not even my marital status or the number of children I have should affect how I feel about myself. Our imperfect society always makes us feel like we should look a certain way, dress a certain way, live in a certain type of house, have a certain family size. . . I feel that I am starting to do better at brushing off comments that could be considered offensive to me, considering the choices I have made in life. No one needs to tell me what to wear, how thin or tan I should be, what kind of job I should have, and how soon I need to get pregnant again. I can love myself just the way I am, flaws included, because Heavenly Father loves me just the way I am.
The following song has come to mean more to me as an adult than it did when I was a youth. It sums up how I feel.
Walk tall, you're a daughter, a child of God.
Be strong; please remember who you are.
Try to understand, you're part of His great plan.
He's closer than you know. Reach up; He'll take your hand.
11 comments:
I love you Billy! And I needed this reminder tonight. Thanks!
Wow. I really needed that today. Thanks for the pick-me-up, Jenny. Love you!
great post jenny. You hit some things right on the head. You are awesome!
Jenny, I love this post. It's amazing how much that really strikes home! Thanks, Loola. I love you.
What a good post Jenny! That is so true and I never really thought about that song in high school just loved it but now I understand it more! hope you are doing well
I think that everyone feels that way, sometimes I start to think that I am the only one who worries about how I look, what I am doing with school and a career, when I am going to have kids and etc....so its nice to know other people have the same thoughts and feelings. what you said is so true! Thanks for a great post!
Great thoughts--amen, Sister!
Thanks for those thoughts, Jenny! I was like that in high school--insecure about myself, not very popular and a bit overweight, so I dove into my studies and based my image on my grades. I would like to say that my self-image has improved a ton since then, but I am still having doubts about myself. It's great to have a reminder that God loves us wherever we are in life, whatever we look like, and if we're able to keep up with everyone else's 5 or 6 kids or not.
Love and charity are hard to give to everyone, and hard to give to ourselves. I think we need heavenly help to get and receive charity and love. Isn't it a blessing to have that help.
That was a wonderful post Jenny. I especially like the song you ended with. Sending you lots of love from your favorite cousin!
So you're telling me things won't be better when I quit my job. Shoot! I am always thinking of what needs to change before I can be happy. I heard someone say yesterday that we "Want to want, more than we want to have," and I think that's a sad, but changeable truth. And, for what it's worth, I think you're absolutely beautiful (as Mr. Rogers would say, "inside and out," and he's a wise man).
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